We survived the end of the world….

Another christmas has come and gone and yes…we are still here…we survived the end of the world…..I guess we all knew we would still be here…I along with many of you will always wonder if there was more than just a mere (I never got around to finish the calendar) in the Mayan's head for stopping the calendar on 12/21/12….I guess we'll never know.

One valuable lesson that I believe we have all learned is that life goes on…and on…and on…and on….what life has in store for us is up to us….it's time to change who we are and how we think of life in general…it's time to shift our focus into a more positive one…there is one quote that comes to mind that is quite appropriate at the moment….

"You are not in the world…the world is in you…." ZEN

Yes, the world is within us…each and everyone of us….it is important to always keep in mind that we have to forget what anyhow we feel and always remember what we DESERVE and make that a part of  living our lives.  If we aim for what we deserve we do not leave room for that which is harmful to us.  We deserve it all, and we will have it all!

No more excuses…those of us who want to make it to the top of our desires will find the path…those who do not will find excuses!  No more excuses!!

Today I will embark on a journey to the top of my desires….today I make a commitment to achieve all my dreams…today I make a commitment to myself!


What would it have been like to not have left my mother's womb after nine months?  Death I suppose not only for myself, but also for my mother.  It seems that in life we are constantly in need of "leaving"…thinking about it…after I left my mother's womb….that comfort zone where I knew I would be safe…I came into another safety zone…the comfort of my nest…my home…where I learned to crawl, to walk, to talk, and to love and be loved…then….soon enough I had to leave again…I had to go to school…..years passed and I became accustomed to this new comfort zone…only to find that thirteen years later I would once again have to leave….now it was time for the world…my world consisted of college…others went straight into the work force…but I was faced with life…with independence…my adult life began at this point…I didn't really know what that meant since my essence was still of a child.  My essence still wanted to be loved, understood and protected.  I had dreams, but realized that those dreams were scary….what was I to do at that point….well what any sensible person would…I chose a "HALF LIFE"….a "SAFE LIFE"….I stayed close to home I married but never truly gave my all…needless to say that failed…I can't say I failed…I had to live and learn….so here I am now….at a point where I am making a commitment to myself…it is time to come into my life…A time to finally leave the womb…a time to be born into myself…A time to need only of me…A time to be happy in my loneliness….to celebrate me…a time to be happy with ME!  My loneliness is not an isolation….for I am not alone…I have a loving family and great friends….my loneliness is instead mediation…..reflection…but most importantly it is the love of ME!  To some it may be difficult to understand how having so many people around and having so many people want me around, I would prefer to be alone….but it's time…it's time to let go of my ego and move forward to LIVE my BEST LIFE!!!!!!!

Senseless.....and Uranus turns direct....

We have all been consumed by the senseless shooting that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut...I can't even imagine what it is like to be in the shoes of the victim's families....I can understand their pain, but only they truly feel the horror in their hearts.  My heart is broken and the pain I feel is inexplicable...so how must they feel?  Probably an infinity amount worse...I pray that they find the strength that they need to get passed this.  What have we come to?  When did we lose sight of the gift of life...ironically the planet Uranus turned direct the day before...I just hope that this is not a preview of what is to come...When I read the below statement from Emilie Parker's grandfather I could not stop the tears from running down my cheeks.

“My son and his wife are tucking their children into bed, and there’s an empty bed. And it breaks my heart,” he said.

I sit here typing and asking myself why? Their time was finished on this earth and those 26 souls HAVE to be in a beautiful place!  They deserve to be in a beautiful place!  Actually, what they truly deserve is to live and to leave this life differently not for someone to come and take their life away the way that it was taken!  

CHANGE YOUR LIFE....

The unhappy ones live their life waiting for "THE DAY" when their luck will change....ignoring the fact that "THEY" are "THE ONES" that can change their LUCK!!!!  Take charge!!! CHANGE YOUR LUCK!!!

Looking Back

...just looked back at my old blog...funny how certain characters change, but for some reason the story seems similar....why is it so hard to learn the lessons of life...when will I perfect the lesson and move on...when will I be ready to live my best life yet?  What am I so afraid of?  I've come a long way...or so I thought...but have I truly come a long way...when am I going to stop doing things half assed and take charge of who I am supposed to be...is it safer to be in dysfunctional relationships...of course not! So then, why do I continue to fall in the same place......food for thought I guess...

A NEW BEGINNING...: Where am I now?

A NEW BEGINNING...: Where am I now?

A NEW BEGINNING...: SAYING GOODBYE TO LARKI...MY BEST FRIEND...

A NEW BEGINNING...: SAYING GOODBYE TO LARKI...MY BEST FRIEND...

A NEW BEGINNING...: Now what?

A NEW BEGINNING...: Now what?

A NEW BEGINNING...: Another trauma...Death

A NEW BEGINNING...: Another trauma...Death

A NEW BEGINNING...: FREE OR NOT FREE

A NEW BEGINNING...: FREE OR NOT FREE

December 10, 2012..4 days til December 14, 2012

The November eclipses hit me directly and I can't see that I have seen anything really substantial come out of them...other than the fact that my relationship is totally in a "I SUCK" moment!  So...as astrologers say...look to see one month and one day from the eclipse for something to happen....hmmm....I four days away from the December 14th date....and quite frankly as crazy as this may sound I am totally waiting for something major to happen....as my beautiful cousin Dalila would say "you're crazy!"  But yes I look forward to the changes that come about from eclipses. I am ready for a new start...I want something great and exciting...I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

ECLIPSES of NOVEMBER 2012

I started this back in November, and for some reason left it as a draft...so...I will post it and keep you posted on what is to come :)

... I am very much into understanding the science of Astrology...I figure what better place to start than in my own chart...I am always looking at my chart, and am always begging my favorite cousin Dalila...whom is a bit psychic I might add...to look at my chart as well, since she is much more advanced in the study of Astrology.

Back to the point....in looking at my chart I noticed that both of these eclipses are going to affect me directly.  The solar one on November 13, 2012, is EXACTLY on my ascendant, trining my Mercury.  The lunar eclipse on November 28, 2012 is conjunct my moon and trining my Jupiter.  (From what I have learned Jupiter is good) So, maybe these eclipses are not going to affect me in a negative way, or so I hope.

The Solar Eclipse
I had to read up on what the expert astrologer's had to say about these eclipses and seeing that the second eclipse on November 28, 2012 is affecting my 7th house and my Juno AND has such strong aspects going on in the sky at the same time....

This Gemini Lunar eclipse from what I have read is all about revealing the power of love.  It's going to be our last eclipse in 2012 and the last Gemini eclipse until June of 2020...I can only hope to be around then...In the sky the Gemini Lunar eclipse is an opposition between the Sun which represents our consciousness and the Moon which represents our unconsciousness.

(Note to self: Oppostitions create awarenesses that  come to us externally. They are extremely powerful and place the planets in conflict with each other, producing difficulties, but increasing the range of possibilities open to us)

Basically, we can make a choice to either take responsibility for our choices and our actions or project these onto other people.  It's up to us...it's our choice...therefore the more we practice conscious awareness the closer we will be to matching our thoughts and feelings with the Law of Attraction and this in turn will take us closer into evolving our souls to recognize that we create our reality from our thoughts and feelings.

The moon will be in the dark during the eclipse which will pull us deep inside ourselves...it gives us the opportunity to go into the core of our being to discover who we truly are.  We can make our dreams a reality at the Eclipse by obtaining the support we need from the universe.

Now back to me....


November 28, 2012

Venus is squaring my Jupiter which can lead to excess or over indulgence...(Note to self: Don't eat a lot during Thanksgiving)...the sun is also conjunct my Juno which is in my first house making this effect a direct aspect to my Juno which really should mean that my other half (Jesus) and I should be moving towards permanence (keyword: SHOULD) ...today is December 1 and Mercury should be direct by now so perhaps while Mercury went from stationary to direct it caused some type of friction between us because I always seem to get upset with him when Mercury moves around...when it went retrograde it was the same thing...Who knows maybe this argument is energetically positive and the stars will be right and we will come together...but right now I just don't feel like it! I know I should just flow with the energy, but it is very difficult...Our relationship is far from normal and right now I just want to run from it!

This eclipse is also conjunct my moon and trine my Jupiter which can translate into an abundance of renewal and culmination of emotions...I guess I will soon see if this is positive or negative...I really do hope that Jupiter protects me

Additionally, my progressed moon moved into my first house on November 25th...which should bring me rewards and recognitions for all my hard work

Uranus is currently in my 5th house of creativity is in trine to my Neptune in my first house which makes me very intuitive/psychic...it enables me to take on new creative/spiritual activities...

12.1.12

Today is the beginning of a new month the last month of 2012...and my will is:

...to accomplish all my goals, wake up everyday with a smile on my face and make that smile last all day. 

... to remember that a doctor can't give me medicine to cure a heartache...that is up to me....it's difficult but truly possible!  

... to forget how I feel and remember what I deserve!

...to remember that no matter how hard it is to hear the truth it is always better than a thousand lies, the truth may hurt me, but a lie will destroy me!

...to remember that sometimes there is no next time, sometimes there are no second chances, sometimes it's now or never!

...to remember that to lose and learn is not a loss at all!

...to remember that my life is a puzzle and that each piece has a reason, a time, a place and a why...it's time to stop insisting in putting pieces where they don't fit. Don't fight destiny.  What ever happens, happens for a reason!

...to remember that in life we have two options:

    1-to be a good memory

    2-to learn a great lesson

    YOU HAVE BEEN BOTH!

...to remember that we don't always get what we want but eventually we get what we deserve!

...to remember that my best friend is my pillow, she shares my dreams, hears my thoughts, dries my tears, and accompanies my insomnia :)

...to remember that people change, love hurts, friends leave, things go wrong...but no mater what... LIFE GOES ON!

I choose to live my life differently from the past..the past cannot be changed but the future is in my power!  

I WILL BE THE REASON I SMILE!

Mystical Rectangle

I just had a reading with an astrologer that I love to listen to on podcasts and for the first time in my life...I heard the term mystical rectangle.  Having been around Astrology my whole life (My mom has always believed in the knowledge of the stars) I had never heard of that before.  My mystical rectangle forms between: Sun - Moon - Jupiter - Neptune which is best expressed in my creative talent.

When looking at my chart I see that the four planets connected in the rectangle are two squares and two trines which also come together with oppositions connecting the opposite planets.  I am not sure of the outcome of the combination of tense and harmonious aspects and the end result of it....I guess I will have to keep my eyes open!

Solar Eclipse in Scorpio...

Today Venus moves into Scorpio which is my ascendant and the effects of the Solar eclipse that took place on November 13, 2012 are reawakened.  The eclipse took place exactly "ON" my ascendant and in a trine aspect with my Mercury...which basically means that my world is going to change in someway..and hopefully very positive.

Christmas Tree...Feng Shui...and LOVE...

I have been practicing Black Hat Feng Shui for more than fifteen years now...and must admit that I have through the years seen the positive and sometimes negative effects of placing objects correctly and incorrectly according to Feng Shui.  

Last year I was in a different apartment and the only location for me to place my christmas tree was in the wealth section.  I placed the tree and the intention (as I always do) and must say that it was quite a prosperous year.   Money started coming in about a week after I put up my tree! I don't usually wait until Thanksgiving to put up my tree.  I usually put it up right after Halloween. So needless to say the end of the year came with an amazing boom! 

This year I am a little behind schedule since it's a few days until Thanksgiving, but it has just been a busy year!  I am now in a townhouse (note..moved to a bigger place) and the wealth section of the home is not apt for tree placement so this year I have no choice but to put it in the relationships and love corner of the home.  My sex life has been great, but my love life leaves much to be desired.  I'm in a relationship with an amazing man whom I love very much, and I feel he loves me as well,  but unfortunately he is emotionally and physically unavailable.  My intention this year will be for a resolution in this aspect of my life. Now...all of you crazies..I am not saying that the tree is going to make my life all better and I will be living happily ever after, it is the intention. The mind is a very powerful thing.  

I just finished the tree and it looks beautiful (as always)...let's see how it goes...

I'm still here...

Emotions take the best of us, and no matter how much you know how wrong you are, your heart for some reason over powers all of your senses.  

WHAT IS LOVE?

What is love really? A feeling that eventually will inflict pain.  A pain so deep that it feels as though you will never EVER be the same again, and the truth is that YOU WON'T! (Be the same again...that is)  This pain is a learning pain, or perhaps we can refer to it as a growing pain.  It's a pain that after it subsides makes you stronger.  You grow a shell around your heart that protects it from suffering the same way again.  Nine times out of ten you WILL love again, you will once again feel the butterflies in your stomach and once again dream of a future, but you will never love again like the first time or better yet like the last time.  Each time, your heart gets a little smarter.  It protects itself to hurt a little less and it does hurt a little less.  

Here I am... in pain again.  This time it's all my fault...AGAIN...but I learned my lesson.  No more married men!  I had never dated a married man before...I guess it was something I had to do (I don't even believe that...what an excuse!)  It's funny, because they may all have different circumstances but they all say the same things.  Why is it that although we've heard all the horror stories, we think we are the exception to the rule.  Well newsflash, we aren't!  They all have SOME reason as to why they are still married and why they can't leave...BULLSHIT!!!!

I've realized what my problem is...I believe in living the moment and of course that is all fine and great at times, but it has gotten me in a heap of trouble.  I wasn't always this way...I was actually very normal.  (whatever that means)

A few years ago, I had a life changing experience that put me in the frame of mind that I am in today.  It was an experience that changed my philosophy of life.  Although it was an extremely difficult time, I am grateful for it.  I do think back with a frown on mistakes that I have made since then especially in my emotional life, but...I don't regret them...I have learned from each one, and I guess that is more important.