What is love really? A feeling that eventually will inflict pain. A pain so deep that it feels as though you will never EVER be the same again, and the truth is that YOU WON'T! (Be the same again...that is) This pain is a learning pain, or perhaps we can refer to it as a growing pain. It's a pain that after it subsides makes you stronger. You grow a shell around your heart that protects it from suffering the same way again. Nine times out of ten you WILL love again, you will once again feel the butterflies in your stomach and once again dream of a future, but you will never love again like the first time or better yet like the last time. Each time, your heart gets a little smarter. It protects itself to hurt a little less and it does hurt a little less.
Here I am... in pain again. This time it's all my fault...AGAIN...but I learned my lesson. No more married men! I had never dated a married man before...I guess it was something I had to do (I don't even believe that...what an excuse!) It's funny, because they may all have different circumstances but they all say the same things. Why is it that although we've heard all the horror stories, we think we are the exception to the rule. Well newsflash, we aren't! They all have SOME reason as to why they are still married and why they can't leave...BULLSHIT!!!!
I've realized what my problem is...I believe in living the moment and of course that is all fine and great at times, but it has gotten me in a heap of trouble. I wasn't always this way...I was actually very normal. (whatever that means)
A few years ago, I had a life changing experience that put me in the frame of mind that I am in today. It was an experience that changed my philosophy of life. Although it was an extremely difficult time, I am grateful for it. I do think back with a frown on mistakes that I have made since then especially in my emotional life, but...I don't regret them...I have learned from each one, and I guess that is more important.
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